Take Your Well-Being In Your Own Hands

Good wellbeing means different things to different people. Each one of us has to pave their way to a life that is relevant, consequential, and rewarding.

Well-being is necessary for a holistic healthy existence.

How to Manage Your Mental and Emotional Well-Being?

Your degree of well-being is intimately linked to your self-image.

Your self-image is the sum of all the thoughts, feelings and beliefs about:

1. Who you really are,

2. What you are capable of,

3. What you are NOT capable of, and

4. Where you fit in the scheme of things.

Those who have a high degree of well being, have a strong self-image:

1. They know who they are.

2. They believe themselves to be capable.

3. They believe they are worthy.

4. They believe they can achieve any goal they set for themselves.

People with emotional well being issues tend to attach the following characteristics to that mistake:

1. Permanence: means that the mistake has durability and stability and will be there forever.

2. Pervasiveness: means the mistake implies other, associated errors and weaknesses.

3. Personality: means the mistake reveals a personality flaw.

On the other hand, people with good well-being do NOT associate these characteristics to the mistake. Good mental and emotional well being means any mistake you make is:

1. NOT permanent.

2. NOT pervasive.

3. NOT a reflection on your personality. The mistake was “just a blip” and not a true representation of “the real you”.

“To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.” Confucius

Why Is Self-Care Vital for Your Overall Well Being?

A big part of how we deal with our challenges is our psychological and emotional well-being. Sadly, most people don’t take very good care of their mental well-being. However, just how it is important to take care of your physical health, it is vital to take care of your emotional well-being.

There are things that all of us can do to help us with emotional regulation, better understanding of our emotions and needs, healthier relationships, or in developing more preferable habits. Everyone needs to find their own list of things that helps them feel more grounded, energetic, and inspired.

Here is a list of activities and attitudes that you can incorporate into your daily life to improve and maintain your mental well-being.

DOs

Journal about your day to get a better perspective and keep track of things.                                                          Ask yourself how you feel several times a day to develop emotional self-awareness.
Dedicate time to analyzing your past and working on your deeper issues.
In the morning or a day before, write down a schedule for the day to be more structured.
Have a list of things you can do to calm down when you’re overwhelmed and use it when it happens.
Slow. Down.
Spend time in nature and solitude to clear your mind and recharge.
Have some time where you let yourself be in the moment without thinking about the past or the future.
Start your day by reminding yourself of things that you are grateful for.
End your day by reflecting on the things you did or enjoyed today, even if they seem small.
Have a healthy sleep schedule.
Dedicate time for your relationships and for improving your social skills.
Let yourself relax by doing something fun, relaxing, or unproductive.
Occasionally try new things to expand your comfort zone.
Take significant breaks from social media and the internet in general.
Let yourself make reasonable mistakes and trust yourself that you’ll be okay.
Find a creative outlet: writing, dancing, singing, playing an instrument, etc.
Take responsibility for what you are responsible for, and always aim to meet those responsibilities as best as you can with no excuses.
Seek progress: by learning new skills, expanding your knowledge base, or improving your current skillset.
Learn to say no and set healthier boundaries.
If needed, seek help from your loved ones and/or from professionals.

DON’Ts

Don’t think in SHOULDs and HAVE TOs, and try to switch to WANTs and CHOOSE TOs to alleviate mental pressure and anxiety.
Don’t stay in abusive and otherwise toxic environments.
Don’t wait for somebody to save you or for good things to happen to you; take responsibility for the things that you can control and improve, and do that.
Don’t ignore red flags in people’s behavior.
Don’t ignore your needs and emotions; you will pay dearly for it one way or another.
Don’t take others perception of you too seriously, both negative and positive.
Don’t be dependent on others validation, and aim to build a healthy, realistic sense of self-esteem that comes from within.
Don’t try to constantly prove yourself to people, and accept that some people will misunderstand or mischaracterize you but you will be okay.
Don’t hope for your unhealthy relationships to magically transform into healthy ones; it never happens, no matter how hard you want it.
Don’t concentrate on the result as much, and learn to enjoy the process instead..
These are just a few things that can help you live a more fulfilling life, but this list can go forever.

In addition to this, we have a great rescue for you, a personal coach in hand: The Yellow Journal: Your Safe Space & Accountability Partner that comes with prompts for self-reflection, that will nudge you to get out of your comfort zone and instill the habit of practicing gratitude.

It’s the perfect time to take your mental wellbeing in your own hands!

Visit www.theskilletteschool.com to get your coach in hand now!

 

Songs to listen to while Journaling

Woohoo! The first three batches of The Yellow Journal have been successfully dispatched and have been received by many already.

Now, that most of you would be starting your transformation journey or may already have begun, I wanted to share a specially curated playlist that I used while creating and testing The Yellow Journal.

But before I share that, let me ask you “Do you listen to music while journaling? Should you? Is it alright to?”

Well, I believe Music enables one’s soul to sing. It opens us to feelings and emotions, and listening to it can help us get into that zone of deep concentration and reflection.

When it comes to whether or not to listen to music while journaling, my usual advice is to do whatever works for you. For me, music without words helps create an ambiance and pour my heart out, resulting in feeling calm and relaxed. But you do you.

And, if you are like me, below are some options for you to listen to and to enjoy your journaling journey.

1. “Prelude – The Atlas March” – Cloud Atlas, Tom Tykwer, Johnny Klimek & Reinhold Heil.

2. “Hearts of Courage” by Two Steps From Hell

3. “The Bridge of Khazad Dum” – The Lord of the Rings, Howard Shore

4. “He’s a pirate” – The Pirates of the Caribbean, Klaus Badelt

5. “Courtyard Apocalypse” – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, Alexandre Desplat

6. “Death is the Road to Awe” – The Fountain, Clint Mansell

7. “Time” – Inception, Hans Zimmer

8. “Falling” – The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, Nick Cave

9. “Now We Are Free” – Gladiator, Hans Zimmer

10. “The Balcony Scene” – Romeo + Juliet, Craig Armstrong

11. “Once There Was A Hushpuppy” – Beasts of the Southern Wild, Dan Romer & Benh Zeitlin

12. “Dance Of The Swans” – Swan Lake, Tchaikovsky

13. “Clair de Lune” by Claude Debussy

14. “Piano Concerto No 21” by Mozart

15. “Adagio in G minor” by Tomaso Albinoni

16. “Adagio for Strings” by Samuel Barber

17. “Moonlight Sonata” by Beethoven

18. “Love & Loss” by Mattia Cupelli

19. “Metamorphosis II” by Philip Glass

20. Divenire by Ludovico Einaudi

21. “Says” by Nihls Frahm

22. “Symphony No. 9: Ode To Joy” by Beethoven

23. “Intro” by The XX

24. “Your Hand In Mine w/strings” by Explosions in the Sky

25. “You Look Great When I’m Fucked Up” by The Brian Jonestown Massacre

26. “Memorial” by Bring Me The Horizon

27. “Untitled 3” by Sigur Ros

28. “The Walk (Instrumental)” by Imogen Heap

29. “Olympians (Radio Edit)” by Fuck Buttons

30. “Shoulder of Orion” by Lazerhawk

31. “Bleed” by DeadMau5

32. “Auto Rock” by Mogwai

33. “3055” by Ólafur Arnalds

34. “Through the dark” by Alexi Murdoch

35. “Heartbeats” by Jose Gonzalez

36. “Everything” by Ben Howard

37. “Blood” by The Middle East

38. “How Soon Is Now” by The Smiths

39. “Something Good” by Alt J

40. “Take Me To Church” by Hozier

41. “Immunity” by Jon Hopkins

42. “Teardrop” by Massive Attack

43. “I Hope There’s Someone” by Antony and the Johnsons

44. “Outro” by M83

45. “I’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter,” by Fats Waller

If you have got your copy of The Yellow Journal, I wish you all the best in your journey!

If you haven’t yet taken a look at The Yellow Journal, visit www.theskilletteschool.com and find out why it’s not just a Journal.

Happy Journaling! 🙂

Empowered Women, Empower Women.

 

Every year on woman’s day, I happen to receive numerous forwards, images, and one-liners mentioning how great a woman is and how gigantic her sacrifice is for her loved ones. Some of the messages illustrate how women manage and intermingle their career and household chores, whilst the others about how truly beautiful and innocent creatures we all are. Although I also forward such messages to various groups, it surely makes me contemplate the genuineness of such feelings. Are they reserved only for one day or forever?

Whether you like it or not, we women try to compete, compare, demoralize and undercut each other wherever possible. It is difficult to find a woman who truly considers your achievements, big or small as exceptional and would do the trouble of telling you on the face. It is true when they say that the biggest enemy of a woman is another woman. There are many such situations when it is the other women who do not understand and show no compassion when the other women are in trouble.

 

Let’s analyse a few of them, especially the ones which we face in our daily lives.

  • Mother-in-Law issues – Irrespective of country or ethnicity I feel every mother-in-law has a specified set of expectations out of her daughter-in-law. If the daughter-in-law isn’t a working lady she is expected to work her ass off at home. If she is a working daughter-in-law, she is judged at every juncture of how she juggles home and work. This is like the ‘Agni-pariksha’ she undergoes every day and to top it all, as a working woman the guilt kills us. Working may be a need or a prerogative and in any scenario, a woman is majorly judged by the other woman more than men.
  • Workplace issues – The use of the word ‘bitch’ is quite common at workplaces. A woman boss can get controlling and might also find extreme joy in troubling her female subordinates just for the joy of it. Whether this is sadistic behaviour at the display or a show of her superiority, only she can answer, but workplace bullying occurring among females is not to be ignored at all. You would find a good number of women encouraging the weaker ones to perform well, but there is an equal number who put the others down and smile that cruel grin. Unbelievably reasons to do so can be as silly as the subordinate being a beautiful person!!
  • Befriending the rich – A woman declared as a plain Jane can get ignored and neglected loyally by other women. Wearing budget clothes is often reprimanded by the other so-called ‘chic’ and sophisticated women who judge them by the value of their clothes. They like to ignore the person because they consider her to be a misfit in her group. Sadly sick but very true.
  • Dress-up competition – This actually is funny and whenever I come to think of it, I feel we can do better with our time. Most women love dressing up, sometimes every day and the other times on named occasions. But did you know, the competition is so fierce in this field too? If there is a common party especially a themed one, women’s friends discuss what they would be wearing, but they have their innate secret ‘Brahmastra’ which they reveal on the day of the party. It could be an added accessory or a designer shoe, but every single attempt is made to ensure the information remains a secret so that she doesn’t lose her competitive edge. See I told you this is funny!!
  • We never compliment her frequently – What is it with women not wanting to compliment the other? It goes way up my head actually. This kind of jealousy is what makes us disloyal to our own gender. So when you look beautiful, the jealous ones decide to behave as though they don’t care. If you have achieved something professionally, a straight prickly comment would be, “she has domestic help at home, and she has all the time to pursue a career” or maybe, “What’s the use of such achievement when she is ignoring her child”. Such comments are harsh, insensitive and can come only from a woman who is non-achiever herself! Sorry to be brash but yes that’s the truth!!

It is when we stop doing such things, do we celebrate the true spirit of WOMANHOOD. It is such a great bestowal that God Almighty has given us. But, why do we play mind games and trouble the other? It is a relevant question to ask, why do women compete with the other? The answer is in our head. We need to unravel it and dissect it and completely reverse the situation. Be appreciative, kind, and warm to the other women. Applaud them, cheer them up and motivate them to do their best in any scenario. We need to break the female rivalry chain. That according to me is what the virtue of a real woman is. Beautiful or not beautiful, perfect or imperfect, every woman is a gorgeous creation from above, and let us keep it that way.

Together we will protect woman’s human rights in all circumstances;

Together we will foster woman’s capabilities in every field at all times;

Together we will make woman’s voices heard in decision making;

Together we will promote and harness woman’s leadership;

Together we will unleash woman’s power in all its dimensions;

Together we will ensure that woman’s full potential is realized, generation after generation.

Together We Can!

 

 

 

 

Gratitude is Good For You

Often, it’s that full and happy feeling we get when things go really well in our lives.

It comes with a sense of peace and maybe with an idea that we finally did something to deserve the gift we’ve been given.

We’ve probably all experienced that kind of gratitude at some point in our life. But what if it could mean more than that for you?

What if gratitude became a perpetual, daily feeling for not just the big things?

There’s evidence to suggest that being grateful, despite your circumstances can improve every single area of your life, and actually brings in more things to be grateful for.

The universe listens when you express it, and responds by providing you with more things to be grateful for. That’s the magic of gratitude.

And in this blog, we’ll help you discover how to find it more often.

You’ll learn all about the ways in which it improves your life, and some practices and techniques to become (even) more grateful.

What is gratitude?

It’s easy to think gratitude is simply saying “thank you,” but in reality it means so much more than just that.

To understand this, try this exercise:

Think of the most surprising and best gift you’ve ever received. Perhaps the gift is a material one, or even something like the birth of a child. Now try to recall the associated, all-encompassing feeling that came along with that. Remember how “thank you” just didn’t feel strong enough to express your gratitude.

That’s a pretty intense example, but remembering a moment like that illuminates some things that are important to associate with being grateful.

Gratitude is the medicine that changes less into enough!

Taken from the Latin word ‘gratia’, gratitude is a state of mind where we feel thankful.

  • Gratitude outshines all other emotions.
    When you feel it, it often overpowers other feelings. Gratitude shines brighter.
  • Humility accompanies gratitude. 
    Arrogance and pride are impossible feelings to have when you experience gratitude.
  • It’s contagious. 
    When you feel gratitude for one thing in your life, it tends to overflow into other parts of your life, even places that you previously thought weren’t ‘good enough.’

To experience more gratitude, realize that it’s about more than just saying “thank you.”

Of course, the feeling isn’t always that intense, but for just a moment, experiencing it, even in its simplest form, can amplify positivity in your life.

Our society places a lot of importance on politeness, and that’s definitely not a bad thing.

But it can be confusing, because we make a habit of saying “thank you” even when we aren’t grateful.

Let’s not allow that habit to over-shine your ability to feel the power of gratitude.

How to Practice Gratitude?

If you ask me, you can practice gratitude at each moment by saying thank you and by simply realizing things in your life that you are grateful for. But, if you want to start practicing gratitude here are some techniques for you to incorporate into your life:

1. Become a grateful gazer.

Look for opportunities where you can extend your gratitude. Did someone open a door for you? Say, thank you. Be an opportunity seeker.

2. Create a visual reminder.

You can create any visual that reminds you of the grateful things in your life.

3. Practice mindfulness.

Mindfulness is the act of experiencing the world exactly as it is in the present moment, without judgment. It gets you out of your head.

It’s impossible to really feel grateful for the world around you if you’re stuck in your head.

Mindfulness by itself has a tremendous impact on your life.

Alone, it can improve all the areas of your life mentioned earlier. Added into a gratitude practice, the results are astounding. Practicing mindfulness and gratitude can make you a happier, more fulfilled person.

4. Gratitude journaling.

Maintaining a gratitude journal is found to be one of the best tools to boost your mental wellness. Because you are writing down and reminding yourself that yes there’s a lot to be grateful for in my life. It will bring your attention to the many unseen aspects of life.

Now that you understand what gratitude really is, it’s easy to see how powerful that emotion could be and how many areas of your life it can impact.

There’s really no limit to that impact, but luckily, scientists and psychologists have spent a lot of time studying the effects.

B.T.S = BEHIND THE SCENES

NO! NO!

It is BEHIND THE SCIENCE :p

Scientifically it is proven that-

  • Our brain releases dopamine and serotonin by feeling gratitude,which we fondly like to call the ‘feel good’ hormones.
  • Stress hormones like cortisol can be reduced by merely feeling ‘grateful’.
  • Gratitude contributes to the increased feelings of closeness, connection and happiness.
  • It is proven that gratitude helps heal depression and stirs positive feelings in us.
  • Regular practice of gratitude results in healthier lifestyle choices and wiser decisions.
  • Gratitude rewires our brain, so we automatically become more likely to focus on the positives in the world than the negatives.

Therefore Gratitude will:

  • Keep your mental health in check.
  • Make you feel more abundant and hence more secure.
  • Help you be more satisfied with yourself and connected with others.
  • Enable you to have better sleep-wake cycles owing to enhanced moods.
  • Empower you to take charge of your life and lead a more meaningful and fulfilled life.

Gratitude simply transforms the entire cycle by first changing your thoughts.

“I don’t have enough” becomes â€œI have so much”.

“I am bitter and sad” becomes â€œI am so happy and at peace”.

Finally, you validate your feelings with your behaviour.

Experiencing gratitude can change your life from self-destructing mode to an empowered, free and happy mode.

Gratitude, even when it’s tough

When all is going really well, it’s easy to practice gratitude, but that ease can disappear as soon as tragedy or misfortune strikes.

This is why it’s important to make gratitude a habit right now.

As a habit, it will form your future perspective to see through the lens of gratefulness instead of entitlement and disappointment.

We hope this blog demonstrates that gratitude is a bright shining light that eliminates shadows and darkness.

If you begin implementing as a daily practice, right now – today – you will make it easier on yourself to find that light when things become difficult.

Things happen – they change and shift, and sometimes we see those shifts as “bad” or “good.”

When you practice gratitude, you realize that those judgments are choices and not facts.

You can choose to focus on the “good” or the “bad.”

When you choose to focus on the positives and be grateful for them, the universe responds by giving you more positive things.

This is the essential principle behind the Law of Attraction, and this principle is guided by gratitude.

Why would you expect to receive more when you’re not happy with what you’ve already been given?Right?

Start practicing gratitude today and watch how the universe responds. See how those around you become more positive, and feel the shifts in your mood and motivation as you become happier, healthier and more fulfilled.

If you choose to practice gratitude each day you can enjoy its lasting positive impact on your health and overall well being.

“Gratitude and Attitude are not challenges, they are choices!”

Choose Wisely!

LOVE YO SELF

“TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF IS THE FIRST SECRET TO HAPPINESS” –Robert Morley

True self-love gives you the fortitude and grit to withstand any difficulty in life. But if you’re struggling to feel more appreciation for yourself, you may need to make use of a couple self-love techniques.

Here are a few tried and tested techniques to help you enhance your self-love and come to terms with the incredible human that is you.

Ready? Then, let’s get started!

Why Is Self-Love So Difficult

Can you remember any time when you were so disappointed in yourself, thinking:

“What’s wrong with me?”

“I’m always making mistakes.”

“It’s all my fault.”

This is the typical train of thought for those who treat self-love merely as a reward for the day in which they finally become the person they want to be. This behavior implies that their self-love is subject to them being objectively “good” or “successful.”

However, as Aristotle stated:

“Humans, deep down, love the self more than their favorite others (family and loved ones). But, as cultural animals, they can come to believe that they love their favorite others more than they love the self.”

Which means, believe it or not, you already love yourself.

BE YOU… DO YOU…LOVE YOU…FOR YOU

What Is True Self Love?

Self-love is not a desperate need to be better or more deserving than others. It’s not selfishness or vanity. It’s not conditional on desired outcomes. And it’s not an exaggerated sense of importance or classic narcissism.

Self-love is open and honest.

It’s the ultimate commitment; to get to know and accept yourself as you are. To fully experience life as it happens to you. And to continually seek ways to physically, psychologically, and spiritually grow from these experiences.

True self-love is giving yourself unconditional respect, and appreciation. It’s reminding yourself that you deserve to have all your personal needs met while considering yourself worthy, valuable, and deserving of happiness.

It’s fully knowing, no matter what you do or neglect to do, that you’ll always love yourself and be true to who you are â€” no matter what.

Is Self-Love The Best Love?

Self-love is confident, warm, and caring.

It’s the complete acceptance of who and what you are. It’s the appreciation and affirmation of yourself.

It’s the unconditional support, self-care, and compassion you give yourself that ultimately translate to good health, great self-esteem, happiness, total balance, and well-being.

Self-love is a basic necessity, a fundamental positive value that leads to inner peace and happiness.

LOVING YOURSELF ISN’T VANITY. IT’S SANITY!

Why Is It Important To Love Yourself?

You simply cannot take care of others until you take care of yourself first. When you truly, unconditionally love yourself, you can move through the world with deeper compassion for others, deriving a deep sense of joy and pleasure from the act of giving.

Self-love is, therefore, your fuel and foundation. If it’s not there, your entire life will be unstable and uncertain. But if you truly love yourself, life moves forward with ease and everything falls into place.

You’ll have greater resilience to withstand any challenging life event or personal adversity. Depression, anxiety, stress, and the strive to be perfect, will vanish in the face of pure optimism that self-love creates.

You will always know that this moment shall pass and say,

“I am okay, because I will treat myself fairly no matter the situation.”

 

How Do You Master Self Love?

Oscar Wilde once said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”

Which means, it’s a not a destination — but an everyday practice.

But before we get to daily self-love techniques and exercises, here’s what you need to know:

You are the center of the universe — It all starts and ends with you. You’re going to be with yourself for eternity. Which means you want to operate from a place of self-love, rather than self-loathing.

You care for yourself the most — No one else is interested in you — your well-being, safety, health, happiness, and existence — more than you. No one knows better than you what makes you happy or what hurts you the most.

And isn’t it true that no one can make better choices for you, or give you a better opinion of what you need to do, other than yourself? No one is here for your spiritual growth but you.

The love you seek exists within you â€” Love from other people can only make you happy if it expands on or reflects your own self-love. And loving others can only originate from self-love: a reflection or expansion of the love you have for yourself.

BeYOUtiful!

5 Self-Love Techniques To Increase Self-Love

Here are 5 self-love techniques you can use to begin increasing your self-love:

1. Mind your inner voice

The mind is always operating from a place of duality, so to feel inferior or superior is normal. Become aware and conscious of how you treat yourself in your own mind. Pay attention to your self-talk and how it makes you feel. Discard the demeaning thoughts and direct your mind and actions to positive behaviors.

2. Clear your mind

Observe and understand your current beliefs and values, and the real motivations behind them (make sure you don’t carry other people’s beliefs and values). If your beliefs and values are not serving your highest good, question why you’re holding onto them.

3. Invest much time in good self-care

Nourish yourself daily with healthy activities; good nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy, and healthy social interactions, with lots of time for fun, adventure, and relaxation. When you fuel and take care of your body properly, you’ll have optimum energy and vitality which builds upon self-esteem. Self-esteem and self-love go hand in hand, and participating in things you’re good at will boost endorphins and bring out the best version of yourself.

4. Set boundaries and protect yourself

Identify what is, and isn’t good for you, and gain the clarity you need to understand what you will, and will not accept in your life. Don’t ever tolerate being treated like a doormat. Bring the right people into your life who reflect your own self-respect and reputation. Live intentionally with purpose and design.

5. Explore your spirituality 

Faith is the foundation for self-love, no matter what religion or system you believe in. Believing in something opens up your soul to the beauty of belief and trust itself. When you explore your spirituality, it will take you on a journey of learning things about yourself. And those new thoughts, feelings, passions, and raw emotions will make you appreciate yourself for being authentically you. This will enhance your intuition and help to make decisions based on your gut.

 Self-love is a process, one that will never be truly complete.  There will always be more to improve, more to learn, more kindness one can show.

What’s most important, however, no matter where one is in the process of self-love is to remember…

I am enough!

 

BECOME DEVOID TO GAIN TOTALITY

Your teacup is full. Empty Your Cup.

Once, a long time ago, there was a wise Zen master. People from far and near would seek his counsel and ask for his wisdom. Many would come and ask him to teach them, enlighten them in the way of Zen. He seldom turned any away.

“I have come today to ask you to teach me about Zen. Open my mind to enlightenment.” 

The tone of the important man’s voice was one used to getting his own way.

The Zen master smiled and said that they should discuss the matter over a cup of tea. 

When the tea was served the master poured his visitor a cup. He poured and he poured and the tea rose to the rim and began to spill over the table and finally onto the robes of the wealthy man. Finally the visitor shouted,

“Enough. You are spilling the tea all over. Can’t you see the cup is full?”

The master stopped pouring and smiled at his guest.

“You are like this tea cup, so full that nothing more can be added. Come back to me when the cup is empty. Come back to me with an empty mind.” 

I love this story. Usually in a scenario where someone in the group is resisting change or throwing up an invisible wall to learning.

So why am I sharing it with all of you?

Because to gain from anything that is new to us, we have to be willing to “park” our current belief systems. To put things we have been practising up to this point on hold to allow ourselves the opportunity of becoming better. It is holding onto negative behaviours or traits that keeps us where we are. In fact, some traits and behaviours may not even be entirely negative, but right now they simply are not serving us.

I will share a real world scenario with you. A lady approached me for help. She was tired of being tired. Tired of being stiff when she got out bed in the morning. Tired of needing coffee just to function. Tired of snapping at her kids for minor things. Tired of everything. And not a fun person to be around. This was impacting her self esteem and self worth and impacting those around her. She was no longer who she wanted to be. So she approached me for help. About 4 months into the journey she was looking and feeling like a new woman. She looked better, felt better, no longer snapped at her kids, was easier to live with (her husband told me that), had energy and was just happier. 

Then one day she stopped coming to class. And the excuses began to roll in. “Bad weather”, “cramps”, “lack of sleep”, etc. She went from being back in the drivers seat of her life to being a passenger with life just pulling her along. 

So what caused this shift? One word. Fear.

THE KEY TO CHANGE IS TO LET GO OF FEAR!

Fear of the unknown is a powerful thing. We get so used to being a certain way that we see those old ways as a “safety blanket” even if they have been killing us slowly. As humans, we have a default switch that pulls us back to the known even if that known was and is negative. 

You have to be willing to go the distance long enough for positive behaviours to become your default. You have to be willing to commit. To trust the process. And just get it done consistently with no excuses. 

If you are not happy where you are at in your life physically and emotionally, you have to accept that this did not happen by mistake. We create our reality through our choices and our actions or lack of action. 

Empty your cup. Pull down your invisible wall that is blocking you from being more and feeling like you want to feel.

How to empty your cup? –

HONESTY – Be aware of the things you tell yourself

COMMITMENT – Embrace the possibilities in the unknown

RESPONSIBILITY– Take ownership of your action or inaction

EMPOWERMENT– Step forward with the intent of making a difference

Stop being a passenger. Do it. Say it. Own it!!

THE KEY TO SUCCESS IS TO START!

How to Shape Your Kids to be Better Adults

Dear parents, you are not just raising a child, you are also raising a future adult. Wouldn’t you want your child to grow into mature, kind and responsible adult? There are some qualities which are universally valued and accepted as virtues that any great person lives by like honesty, integrity, reverence, modesty to name a few.

I’m sure you have heard of virtues and you might even have full or part understanding of the same. However, virtues are still either overlooked or seen as something that can’t be taught by many of us. Contrary to this notion, it has been proven that virtues can be developed through regular learning and diligent practice. The easiest way to imbibe a virtue in your life is by setting goals to improve your behaviour in that virtue. 

Each new year marks a great time to help your kids form new habits. 2021 is an even better opportunity, since 2020 taught us how to live a fulfilling life. If you’re someone who follows the tradition of forming new year resolutions, it’s a good time to pass it on to your kids. If you’re someone who is not into resolutions, try and treat it as goals you want to set, in order to bring out the best version of your child.


What you need to remember: Virtues are good habits developed out of love for others.  When you begin growing in one virtue, you’ll end up growing in many of them simultaneously! 

Kids can change the world. All they need is a little inspiration!

Virtues For Preschoolers :

  • THANKFULNESS: Have your kid say ‘thank you’ every time someone (including you- the ‘parent’) makes a good gesture. This will help them learn to not take people and even the smallest things in life for granted. 
  • CONSCIOUS LIVING: Explain to them the importance of conserving water and then, ask them to not stay under running water/ shower for more than 5 minutes. (A low-flow shower head uses about eight litres a minute, or 75 litres for a 10-minute shower.) Make them act as ‘leak detectors’ i.e. if they find any tap leaking or not properly closed, they should report it to you. Talk to them about not using one-time plastic disposables (they will thank you years later for having saved the planet for them).
  • CLEANLINESS: Have them clean up after they have eaten and ask them to properly keep their dirty utensils in the sink. Also, ensure that they clean up their playing space themselves, by keeping toys back in order. 
  • SHARING: One of the most crucial virtues to develop in your child at this age is the virtue of sharing. Keep in mind, that at later stages, the process of explaining the importance of sharing becomes forceful as your child may be already used to the idea of pampering. The act of sharing weaves the path to compassion and empathy. You can have them share their toys with friends/siblings; have them give away their old/not-in-use toys and clothes to the underprivileged. 

Virtues For Kids (Aged 5 to 12 years) :

  • PUNCTUALITY: Importance of being on time is the first step towards building rapport and credibility. 
  • RESPONSIBILITY: Want to make your kid responsible? Make it a point that they make their bed themselves everyday. As small as it may sound, making one’s own bed fosters a sense of pride and accomplishment, and subconsciously encourages us to take on other daily tasks head-on.  
  • COURAGE: Teach them to be courageous enough to stand up for the right and ask them to report to an adult about anything wrong that they see or hear about. Encourage them to never bully someone or succumb to bullying.
  • HUMILITY: Humble people do not consider themselves to be superior than others. Instead, they encourage and uplift others. Have your child not to trash anyone including themselves. Humility is important to breed self-esteem because it keeps one focused on one’s own growth rather than on the faults/flaws of others.

Virtues For Teens :

  • ASSERTIVENESS: Being assertive means being confident in one’s opinion and still being respectful towards others’ point of view.  It is about knowing and accepting one’s and others’ strengths and areas of improvements. Teach your child to talk in an assertive way wherein they are honest, clear and respectful. 
  • SELF DISCIPLINE: Teenage is the best time to start making your children more disciplined. If they don’t have a habit of making their beds yet, ask them to start with that. You can also ask them to make to-do lists for themselves and cross it off within an allotted time.
  • INTEGRITY: It is important to teach your children the value of truthfulness. Teenage is a dynamic period where things can go for a toss. Insist them to choose honesty and integrity over enticing short-term benefits like lies and immorality. Keeping an open mind and open communication with their parents can help children stay true to who they are and what they believe in.  
  • FORGIVENESS: Again, this is a ripe age when your children are highly susceptible to engaging in the stupidest of fights and holding trivial grudges. Teach them the importance of forgiveness and have your child forgive friends (and others) for their wrong doings. But most importantly, have them forgive themselves, if they didn’t achieve/behave as expected.

I hope you realise the importance of these virtues and the long lasting impact they can have in shaping a person’s adult life. I’m sure you could recall one or two such virtues you picked up in your childhood and some you wish you had.

A person’s behaviour is determined by both nature and nurture. So by that logic, if you set out to instill all the above mentioned virtues, they will at least pick up one unconsciously that will stick with them for the rest of their lives. And trust me, once they grow up to realise that, they will forever be thankful to you for having inculcated good virtues in them.

Are we ‘Crazy-Busy’ or are we ‘Escaping Emotions’?

When anything goes wrong with you, is your first instinct to refocus on your to do list and your bigger goals in life?

Well, chances are you may unconsciously be suppressing some emotions, which believe me, are bound to make its way back, sooner or later, in the form of more intense emotions or an unwanted change in behaviour.

We live in a culture that has forced us to believe that all the pain we receive is meant to be used as fuel and not a part of it is to be felt.

Therefore, at the slightest emotional wound, we start to pile up commitment over commitment, chockablock our schedules and start to call ourselves “crazy busy”. When in real, all we are doing is trying to get over the unwelcomed emotions by working over it and giving time some time to heal the wound itself.

Well, if it was true that time heals, therapists would be out of business, because majority of their work involves healing of the childhood trauma of their grown up clients.

Emotions are our compass and also an inseparable companion on our journey of life, wouldn’t it be better to sit with them and take their help to navigate through the journey?

Let me help you with what to do next time you are hurt, instead of taking up another project.

1. ACCEPT YOU’RE NOT OKAY : Stop saying you are fine when you aren’t feeling fine, remember, what you resist not just persists but also grows in size. The moment you accept you’re not okay, your mind will start looking for solutions instead of looking for a new escape.

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2. ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL ALL THAT NEEDS TO BE FELT : Emotions demand to be felt, so allow yourself to feel them. If you don’t allow yourself to feel negative emotions, you won’t be able to fully enjoy positive emotions too. Take note, when you numb sadness, you also numb happiness and joy.


3. DON’T JUDGE YOUR FEELINGS : Everything you feel is valid. When you invalidate or judge our own emotions, you also strip them of their ability to teach you.

“Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.” – Roger Elbert

4. WRITE (NOT TYPE) IT OUT: Write down all your thoughts and feelings without a filter, every time you feel overwhelmed. It can help you gain control of your emotions and improve your emotional health.

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5. CHANGE THE NARRATIVE : Be mindful of the story you’re feeding your brain. If you find yourself saying “how can I be so vulnerable”, change it to “I have the courage to feel deeply.”

6. SEEK HELP: Asking for help wouldn’t make you small. Confide in a friend or find a counsellor to help you navigate or just to lend you an empathetic listening ear.

These are some ways that help me deal with my stubborn emotions. You can feel your emotions however you choose to feel them, but just remember to show some compassion to yourself in the process.

Go on and FEEL deeply, because that’s what we humans are supposed to do.

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Why Celebrating Small Wins Is Important

Small wins are the sparks that ignite the brightest fire!

Two years back when I started, I did not know how this path would unfold for me. I didn’t even know how I was going to make it to where I am today, and as to where I wish to be. In all honesty, I was a little hard on myself in the initial months (I still am sometimes), and there were times I felt discouraged and felt my progress was very slow.

Nevertheless, thanks to the people around me who congratulated me on my small wins always and trusted me on this journey. I remember telling them that it is not a big deal and that I would only feel great about it all when something bigger happened.

However, no matter what I said, their wishes always made me happy inside and if I would allow myself the satisfaction, sometimes it would turn into a celebration.

As humans, we tend to generalise our wins and magnify our failures. However, if we can learn to trick our brains to see events differently, it can help us in building a growth mindset.

Every individual dreams of becoming successful in their respective lives. Unfortunately, it does not happen overnight. One needs to work hard towards their goals on a daily basis by setting effective small goals that move them forward. However, celebrating these small achievements can make the journey more exciting and the destination more rewarding. For example, in this case small wins could be being consistent at the gym for a week, or getting your first lead.

Celebrating my big small wins have helped me a lot in my journey. This is how:

  1. IT REIGNITES MY PASSION: Celebrating some wins reassures me that I am on the right track and it strengthens my resolve behind it all.

  2. HELPS BUILD BETTER PSYCHOLOGICAL RESILIENCE: I can manage to remain calm during crises/chaos because I have strengthened my beliefs that it will all work out.
  3. PROVIDES ME CLARITY: Yes, celebrating small wins does that to us. Where we tend to go wrong is when we look at bigger milestones as big achievements and neglect the ones that actually led us there. When we start appreciating small victories, we eventually start realizing that we are reaching closer to our goals, which helps us stay more focussed. For me, even ticking off 80% of my to-do list is a big small win currently.
  4. HELPS ME REFLECT AND REST: Celebrating my small wins, have helped me pause and stay in the moment, just connect to myself and rest. We can only rest and feel connected when we can reflect on our journey and aim to get better.
  5. HELPS ME PRACTICE MORE SELF LOVE: Celebration means appreciation, and when I appreciate my own small wins, I become more compassionate and loving to myself.

I truly believe that celebrating small wins can inculcate a culture of self-worth in every individual and that these small wins together conspire with the universe to help us achieve our life goals.

So, make it a point to intentionally schedule a introspection session to review your work and identify all your small wins. And then, feel the win, to generate more confidence and enthusiasm for your progress. 🙂

Today, I want to share my very BIG small win; I have launched my website and have successfully expanded my team. I could not have been more proud of myself and ever more grateful to you all.